Monday, November 22, 2010

Unanswered Questions

In recent days, I have found myself resting a good many tough questions at the Big Guy's feet.

Like...why does it always seem that the folks who are always putting forth their best seemingly suffer the most?

Or...How is it that people who ONLY put out good karma in this world constantly confront the biggest difficulties? do the same "salt of the earth" folks face these challenges with dignity, strength and a grace so pure and true?

And...why do the selfish little turds always seem to come out on top...unscathed and seemingly untouched by life?

So, I pray for answers. And I keep questioning. And I pray harder.

And I remember clearly, all too clearly, that life isn't fair. It just isn't and never will be and I'm even pretty sure it's not supposed to be. And maybe, just maybe, the cliche's ring true.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Pure Poetry

As we were flying home in early October I remember catching a glimpse of her busily writing away. I remember it I smiled quietly to myself while making a concerted effort not to peer at her private words...knowing she was scribbling away some inner thoughts she would tuck away to keep for herself...even though I wanted to read them more than anything.

Fast forward to yesterday morning. I will never forget the way I felt as I was wiping away the salty tears and stumbling through those very intimate October thoughts...realizing they were about me...and I couldn't believe the gift I was receiving...wondering, even now, how I became so blessed.

Matching my pictures to her words was easy. Putting into prose my own thoughts about this magnificent young woman I am so fortunate to call my daughter who exposes my heart unlike any other....isn't so simple. But I hope I have honored her the way she has me.

Snappy apples that bite
like the breeze that fingers
her hair around smiling cheeks

Do you smell the leaves?

Leaves that float and fall
like dreams heavy with hope
and sparkling in the sun.

She's so perfectly beautiful
with her mix and jumble of colors.

Colors like spice and fire
that burn and dance
deep in her chest.

Colors like buttery
angel wings that whisper
flecks into her patient eyes.

Her laugh tumbles
from the treetops and twirls
like a song through the forest.

Tucked between the rustling
tree's ornaments you feel
the time slipping.

Feel the longing to zip the
moments up in wax paper
and never let them go.

I will always have her
picture and she will
always have my heart.

Taste and leaves and
fear and fruit will always fade
but I will always be her daughter.

A. Smith
October 2010

Saturday, November 20, 2010

I love where I live.

I love that I live with two remarkable teen aged girls who have made me and my special day their highest priority. Young women who are not ashamed to make me blissfully aware that I live in their hearts just as they beat inside mine.

I love that I live with a man who gets me and works diligently each year to surprise me...and after more twenty years together...still does. A man who happily bakes me chocolate peanut butter bread for breakfast and offers to submit to my every ridiculous whim.

I love that I live only minutes away from mangrove forests, ancient shell mounds and quirky fishing villages. An adopted home that permeates the very fibers of my nature loving soul making me ache with joy and wonder.

I do love where I live.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Always Trying

I wish he knew just how much. I'm not sure that he has a clue. I do know that I often hang up feeling guilty, sad and confused. I choose every word carefully...too carefully sometimes since I never really share my true thoughts...because it's all too clear that they will fall on deaf ears and the eggshells are too fragile. So, I keep trying. But it's never quite right. And holiday planning seems to make the divide even wider and more obvious.

And somehow I'm made to feel it's because of my shortcomings...which I most definitely have. But, I've extended myself...time and time again...although it's never just right or even easy. I guess we all know deep down that I'm not a part of that creation...and assuming that I am isn't completely fair. So again, I try...but it's plain as day that a place isn't there for me and never really has been as I put on my best guest manners each and every time. Yet, I'm not quite ready to give up trying...and that counts for something.

“For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.” ~T.S. Eliot

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Catching Up

I knew that time had gone by very quickly...but three months! No way! There has been a new school year to welcome, a final volleyball season to enjoy, a first swimming season to witness, homecomings, football games, and an autumn trip to our homestate...along with so many moments in-between to savor. And I truly cannot fathom where the past ninety days have gone! But, with all that said, here are just a few peeks into our recent past...

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Just smile.

"Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours. No one needs a smile so much as the one who has no more to give." ~Unknown

I remember when the kids were little and grumpy their daddy would always offer this little fact, "Did you know that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to turn that frown upside down!" And it would always get a groan, then a giggle and finally an ear splitting grin.

But, clearly they are words to live, just smile!

All of these unbelievable pictures were taken by my bestest pal this summer from the Greek Isles...enjoy them with a smile on your face.

Friday, August 6, 2010

My Littlest Enigma

I love that she confounds me.
And that I never know quite what to expect from her.
She's goofy and sweet and her own unique way.
And when she returned from Europe... she was a mystery to me yet again.
Because it was instantly obvious to a mother's ever observant eye.
She had changed, been altered and was impacted...creating another layer.
I love that she is always surprising me.